Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
