Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
