my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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