It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
