Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
