he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
