i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
