Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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