i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
