Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
