and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize