I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
