There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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