update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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