you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
