you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im part way to drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
