I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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