And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
