UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Randomize
