my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i believe in u and ur pee
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
