I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
