i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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