Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
