i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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