Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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