I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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