That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
