I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
