remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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