Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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