hotel room ftw
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
