Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
