I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
