Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
