i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i think i just lost a toe
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
