I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
