she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
