ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
