I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
