I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
