Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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