He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
