Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
