I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
