I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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