Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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