My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
