So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
