It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
