Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
