Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had sex on a roof
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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