Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
