He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
