I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
