cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
PANTIES FOUND
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
