I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
