I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize