I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
