i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
