Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
