Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
