we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
