Can i not drive my cunt home
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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