I could make wine with my vomit
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
