she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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