My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
