Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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