Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
