Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
