I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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