Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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