Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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